Signs to heed if you are considering changing therapists

One constant I have found in my life has been change. This flux has touched my individuality, perceptions, and mental health. There is so much that can be different at any point in my life then why was it so difficult for me to switch to a new therapist when the one I was with was no longer able to assist me? A part of it was comfort. This was someone I had been seeing for years, they had come to know my traumas and pains almost as well as I do. I balked at the thought of having to start anew, to rip myself open and share what troubled me with someone different and unknown. However, what I failed to consider at times was what others told me and what I refused to see as ways to assess if I am doing better. When it comes to switching therapists it is not an easy decision to make. There are different factors that I had to take into account and I’ll point out what I learned when I switched to a new therapist.

The first steps into therapy for me were the most difficult. When I first started to open up it felt all-consuming. Things that were locked away are now spilling out everywhere. However, with time and care, I found that I was able to begin a process of healing. Unfortunately for me, when I was seeing my psychologist while in graduate school, I ended up staying with that person for much longer than I should have. There was even a point where the therapist mentioned to me that I should see someone else as they felt they could not be of any further help to me. I refused. I had come to know this therapist and I found a routine that allowed me to avoid tapping too deep into my trauma to promote further healing. Right here you can see one of the indicators that should have caused me to take a step back and reevaluate the efficaciousness of my therapy. My growth and improvement had stalled.

The difficult part is in how to quantify this. For myself, the indicators should have been that after multiple medical leaves from school I was not improving. I was stabilizing, but I was not becoming more resilient to provocative events that changed my emotional state and thoughts. An example was how I was still having extreme spikes in anxiety with being around crowds. This should have been a warning sign for me to at least consider if I should see a different therapist. There was another worry that arose within me that asking for another therapist meant I had failed or that I was never going to be able to get better. I had thought it was admitting defeat when this was furthest from the truth. I was accepting defeat and the current state of my mind by continuing to stay with the same therapist. Thus, I had become so consumed by my want for safety, comfort, and routine that I stayed with a psychologist that was not able to help me any further.

“There was another worry that arose within me that asking for another therapist meant I had failed or that I was never going to be able to get better.”

Besides stalling out in therapy another indicator for me was when I began to get worse. One big red flag I could identify easily was an increase in the number of times in a day when I thought suicide was a viable option and was planning more. Another red flag was when my wife had mentioned that she was not sure how much longer she could live this way. That led me to seek out couples counseling and since I was not able to get that promptly, where I was currently getting my care at that time, I had to reach out to an entirely different clinic. Once I did that I was paired with a new therapist, that helped me make further strides in my care. The impetus for this change was the honesty of my loved one letting me know that my current mental state was preventing her from being able to stay connected with me. This leads me to another good indicator for when it is time to change a therapist.

When I heard from others that I was doing worse I brushed them off. How could they know what I need? Don’t they understand how big of an ask that is? These types of questions led to an answer that I already knew. They were a masquerade of critical thought when instead I should have attempted to step outside my thinking and see if I can understand where they were coming from. I could more easily accept their perspectives when I asked questions and checked to see if I understood the points they were bringing up. This required me to put a pause on my judgment. What they were seeing at that time was that I was becoming more of a recluse and had a much shorter fuse than usual. The friends and family who loved me and saw my pain in ways I could not see for myself were a warning system that aided me in the transition of therapists.

Finally, one last consideration I considered was if I was being heard by my therapist. For instance, when I was at my worst and when medical school was no longer an option, I needed to figure out a way to gain financial assistance from the government. I asked my therapist to write a letter in support of my condition for my application for disability assistance. I will never forget the response they shared. They responded to my request with a snide remark, “Do you think money is going to make you happy?” The anger and disgust in their voice pained me in a way that I was not expecting. I needed a way to help provide for my family as I became more focused on my therapy. However, from the response of the therapist, there was no want to assist me in that endeavor. Instead, it was hard for me not to see how much of a burden I had become in their life. Once I shared what the psychologist had told me with others, my family and friends helped me to see it was time for a change.

Once I changed therapists, I knew I found the right one by looking at the converses of the markers I have already provided. I began to see myself doing more, pushing myself further than I had been able to go in the past, and I heard from others that I was doing better. The therapists who have helped me the most were the ones who challenged me, my thinking and provided multiple paths to move forward in mental care. Hopefully, these experiences of mine will help you understand if it is time for a change with your therapist. Be honest with yourself, withhold judgment whenever able, and talk with those you trust to see if transitioning to a different therapist might be better for your mental health treatment.